Stuck Inbetween

"I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;" Philippians 1:23


It's never easy to not feel at home.

C.S. Lewis, as always, says it best: "If we really think that home is elsewhere and that this life is a "wandering to find home," why should we not look forward to the arrival?"

I was recently at work and it was suggested to me that I not use the phrase: "God Bless You" because that is considered offensive and off putting; it's not "politically correct". I don't really seem to fit the mold of this world because I believe in a higher-power. I don't drink. I don't have or go to crazy-parties. I won't live with someone who is not my wife. I don't think that money, success, or fame are a goal to obtain but believe in this weird concept of "exalting God and not myself". I oddly don't feel like home.

I was recently joking with a friend and we were laughing at how Christians refuse to say "good luck" and insist on saying "God Bless". If you say the former you get a stern reminder that there's no such thing as luck; it's God's will. I meet people who claim the name of Christ but then use that name when they are angry as an expression of the frustration. I get flicked off when an old lady cuts me off and as I let her pass I get to see that beautiful Jesus fish on the back. I oddly don't feel like home.

It's hard to live between two worlds. There are so many beautiful things about this one. It then seems so hard to understand how something so beautiful can also be so corrupt; be so perverse. It's hard to understand how people can have the light, but hide it. I have some type of hope for something. Things are going to get better. Somewhere is going to feel like home. Somewhere is going to fit the image of peace that I have in my head. Is it escapism then? Trying to get myself away from this world; creating a fantasy world to avoid my troubles? "Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith," Philippians 1:25 Why should I not look forward to the arrival?